Friday June 15, 2012
Welcome back! Maybe you never left, but we did for a while since Cory had to get a real job. He’s coming back, but he brought me on too. It seems he is getting close to white belts and matching shoes and staking out his spot around the free food ladies at Costco and needed a little youth infusion for the site. What is his solution to that? Here it is, or should I say –Here I am suckers. Like it or don’t read it but this part of the site is going to be so real that Cory won’t let me use my real name for fear of lawsuits, death threats and because he’s old (Part? I said you get a column dude-calm down.-Cory the EDITOR or your boss.) So here I am-down and with the brown-Manuel Hung, or just Manny for short. First up- Red Bull X-Fighters. Go!
The tour got started in Dubai and saw the injury to my lady slayin’ buddy James Carter, who hands down is one of the hardest working up and comers in the world who was set to make a name for himself until his shock came apart on take off and he turned his femur into a two piece on landing. Levi Sherwood picked up the win, Adelberg jumped to second and Chilean Javier Villegas dropped a third (He’s brown too, but we ain’t related.) Other than that- Dubai kind of sucked. Hey guys, beaches are windy. That’s why people fly kites and throw Frisbees there. Wind surfing? Invented on a freaking beach!! Move the thing inland a bit or move to another town! So next up came the USA round held at Glen Helen, CA right near the birth place of Freestyle Moto. Gotta say- nice homage to FMX by holding it there, but by looking at the crowd shots-and I always am on the look out for hotties in the crowd- you would think they were at a golf tourney for dirt bags. Damn, who would have guessed that “Bro’s” are way too cool to look like they might actually be stoked to have the best in the world jump on perhaps THE most bad ass course ever built for knobbies? I’ll tell you who- EVERYONE WHO KNOWS JACK AND HIS PAL CHIT. What the organizers needed to do was bus in a bunch of people from like Idaho or Illinois. Or even easier, screen everyone at the door. Hand tattoos? Go away. Flat billed hat? Beat it poser. Ford Ranger with prerunner fenders and stock suspension? Get an identity you fool! Of course fake boobed, embarrass your daddy hotties are all welcome still. So yeah- the crowd could have been Zombies that only ate Zanys and not people, but the Red Bull people got the course dialed. A giant scary 60 foot step up carved into a hillside that terrified just about everyone, huge dirt hits and so many lines it looked like the bathroom counter in a Hollywood nightclub. So many lines in fact, that the young guys looked lost out there and the dudes that had deep skill in the hills did the best. Wes Agee, who has been sneaking up on the FMX world like a Ninja picked up a third to Thomas Pages who got second. Frenchie is smooth and dialed and don’t need flips to impress. In fact, I think given another day to practice, he would have smoked everyone so bad with insane jump lines that the tour would have ended right there. First went to hill master T- Potter. Todd not only needs a sponsor from an electric razor company, he needs a dump truck to carry all his natty terrain skills and style. He got a win fair and square here, but unfortunately, as the courses go back to steel ramps and small flat courses he will lose to the other guys. Either way he has a 5 point lead going into Turkey over the rubber kid and JVAir.
So onto the Red Bull X-Fighters with the Turkeys, or Turkanians, or Turkemites (thank god I am not allowing you to use your real name-Ed.) Yeah those guys for some reason pulled the plug on the original spot and made the crew move everything across the way to some square. What’s the difference? Who knows and if you have been there you would ask the same thing and have the same answer. No worries though, Tes Sewell and his crew of dirt carvin’ carnies just picked up and laid out on the new spot. The course hopefully won’t suffer and wind should be good. Dany Torres says he is all healed up and would definitely hit the Glen Helen Big Boy Step Up now. Of course you would if your confidence wasn’t as low as the value of the Spanish dollar, it’s 12,000 miles away. That’s like me saying I would ask out Erin Bates two weeks after I just met her and could only stare at her chest. Ugh-anyway look for him and Sherwood to battle it out with Adelberg and Villegas. Here’s the riders list:
Riders List Red Bull X-Fighters Istanbul, Turkey 2012
Dany Torres – ESP
Wes Agee – USA
Maikel Melero – ESP
Blake Williams – AUS
Eigo Sato – JPN
Rob Adelberg – AUS
Thomas Pages – FRA
Levi Sherwood – NZL
Todd Potter – USA
Javier Villegas – CHL
Mat Rebeaud – SUI
Jeremy Rouanet – FRA
And to watch this check out your local listings because we all know that FMX can get booted off the screen if a race horse so much as nicks a hoof foot, but this is what is supposed to happen, and if a dinged up horse knocks it off schedule, the least they can do is shoot the thing and feed some homeless guys.
Live link from Red Bull- it’s got a countdown timer, figure it out holmes http://live.redbull.tv/events/62/red-bull-x-fighters-2012-istanbul/
TV in the USA- June 26th at 11pm EST on NBC Sports Network- but check around, these are the sneaky bastards I am talkin’ about when it comes to switching up. I woke from a nap to see Glen Helen on a full week early. Freaked me out, thought I slept for a week again…
Rest of the World. Who the hell you think I am? Nostra-freaking- dome-us?
Hope you liked it and if you didn’t complain to the Editor. He’ll really like that..